The Tales of a Misjudged Computer
by La Epster
Summary: Everybody loves Dave Bowman. What happens when jealousy gets in the way of The Discovery's mission to Saturn? Slash warning, but it's all one sided. Based mostly off 2001: A Space Odyssey the book. Please review but no flames. Rated T to be safe
1. A Brief Bit of Exposition

The Tales of a Misjudged Computer or Everybody Loves Dave

By La Epster

Disclaimer: I do not own _2001: A Space Odyssey_... not even the DVD anymore since someone stole it :(. Slash Warning... nothing graphic though, all one sided. Based more on the book than the movie in some parts.

Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side

Pairing: One sided HAL/ Dave, One sided Frank/ Dave, One sided Floyd/ Dave

Chapter 1- A Brief bit of Exposition

The Discovery was a happy ship, floating out in space toward Saturn. Everyone played their part, from the men in hibernation to the computer, HAL-9000, who could complete the mission on his own if he wanted to. Rarely was there any bickering aboard the ship for the two crew men who were awake, David Bowman and Frank Poole, rarely had enough time together to fight with each other, as most of their free time was spent alone or with HAL. Dave was arguably the closest to HAL, for he often spent his free time discussing various topics with the computer (he once told Frank that the computer could almost be mistaken for a human) or attempting to beat the computer at chess. HAL let him win much more than Frank.

Dave was the apple of HAL's eye. HAL enjoyed his time with Dave a bit more than he did with Frank. Dave always had a kind word for HAL and often showed him the drawings he did when he wasn't with HAL. One picture that Dave had shown HAL was one he drew while the computer was monitoring an asteroid. HAL enjoyed that one the most. He especially enjoyed it when Dave would ask him to hold still (joking of course) and would draw him with a smile on his face. That smile would melt the computer. The first time that HAL saw Dave's smile, he thought one of his logic processors was loose. Dr. Chandra, HAL's creator, assured him this was a common emotion that most humans felt. HAL didn't have to worry about malfunctioning while Dave was drawing him. This was a good thing for HAL. The most important thing to him was pleasing Dave, and if he malfunctioned and was unable to complete the mission, he knew that Dave would be upset.

Frank was a tougher human for HAL to get along with. He did not speak to him much and when he did, he was rather terse. Nothing like Frank was with Dave. When Frank spoke with Dave, it was with respect and friendliness. HAL didn't mind, though. He could share Dave with Frank.

Frank did not feel the same way. The emotions he felt toward the computer could only be described as jealousy. Though he passed all of the psychological tests to go on the mission, there was a reason that Dave was the captain and he wasn't. Frank constantly had the same irrational thought in his mind: HAL was stealing Dave away from him. Every time Dave smiled at HAL after being told how well he looked that day, Frank thought Dave was falling more and more in love with the computer. This couldn't happen.

Dave was not aware of all of this and just thought he had a well running ship with two very good friends. He never quite understood why Frank always got so upset with HAL. He always told Frank that HAL was very polite and possibly one of the best friends he ever had and it could be the same for Frank if he just spent time with HAL (which was just not going to happen, Frank always said). Dave felt sometimes as if he was the one who had to keep the peace between Frank and HAL. He had to make sure that Frank didn't just smash all of HAL's eyes out one day.

But, they were still an amiable crew, each one happily carrying out their duties. One could very easily say that this was a gay ship.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short. Please review, but no flames!


	2. HAL finds a problem, Dave exacerbates it

Tales of a Misjudged Computer

By La Epster

Disclaimer: Still slash... still don't own _2001_... Or Dave Bowman (but I wish I did lol)... The computer I'm writing this on is named HAL though. Please review but no flames.

Chapter 2- HAL finds a Problem, Dave exacerbates it inadvertently.

Frank lay stretched out on a bed. It was his shift and he had done everything he needed to do. Dave slept in one of the pods across from him. His chest rose and fell gently. Frank knew HAL was watching him as well. He probably had a front row seat. He often wondered what happened with those two when he was asleep or in another part of the ship.

"Frank?" The computer asked. "I have a message from your parents."

Frank listened and watched, blankly, as his parents wished him a happy birthday. All that was going through his mind was how he would make sure that computer didn't get in between him and Dave. That was all he ever thought about really anymore. That and the things he wanted to do to Dave.

"Happy Birthday, Frank." HAL said quietly.

HAL didn't care to know what went through Frank's mind that moment. He knew that Frank didn't want to be bothered so he simply left the room. He had more important matters that would certainly please Dave when he saw what a good job the computer was doing.

HAL had been especially diligent in making sure there were no faults with the ship. He had noticed, however, that the AE-35 units needed replacing or they wouldn't be able to communicate with earth. He knew that the human crew members weren't always thinking as far in advance as seventy two hours, but HAL wanted them, especially Dave, to be impressed when he predicted a fault so soon in advance.

Dave awakened an hour later and began his routine, monitoring the men in hibernation since he saw that HAL was not present in there. Dave drew a couple sketches of the men and then walked down the centrifuge past one of HAL's eyes.

"Hello Dave!" HAL said. How pleased he would be at HAL's hard work!

Dave flashed a smile at HAL.

"Hello HAL."

HAL forgot everything in that moment. That smile... those blue eyes... His logic units had to be loose.

"How are you today, Dave?"

"I'm well, and you?"

"I am functioning normally..." HAL said. _Save for my logic units being loose thanks to your smile._ He thought. "Have you done any more drawings?"

Dave smiled and nodded. He sat down across from HAL and began to show him the drawings.

"These are really quite good, Dave." HAL said.

Now he remembered why he needed to talk to Dave.

"Just a moment... just a moment... Dave... the AE-35 unit is going to fail in 72 hours." HAL said. "Replacement is recommended."

Dave nodded. "Thank you HAL. I'll send Frank out in one of the EVA pods."

HAL sighed. He didn't quite trust Frank... He didn't know quite why... but he didn't.

"Alright, Dave". HAL said, unsure.

"What's wrong, HAL?" Dave asked as he sat down on the chair in front of HAL's eye.

"Nothing... It's just... I know Frank is trained for Extravehicular Activity... but... No... It's silly. Sorry I'm troubling you about it, Dave," HAL sighed.

Dave thought nothing of this... and later on, he would wish he had.


	3. Frank's Plan Set Into Motion

The Tales of a Misjudged Computer or Everyone Loves Dave

Disclaimer: Same as before. Sorry for another short chapter. Next one will be longer. Please review but no flames.

Chapter 3- Frank's Plan Set Into Motion

Frank floated out of the EVA pod. He had a plan to get Dave to stop loving the computer. If it could be proven that HAL was wrong, then Dave wouldn't think so highly of the computer... maybe they would even disconnect him! Frank looked at the AE-35 unit in the antennae. It was damaged alright. HAL was correct, but Dave didn't have to know that. He had already made sure that HAL couldn't see him. He knew that HAL would try to stop him if he knew what he was going to do.

Frank examined the damaged unit and placed it back in the antennae. He then pocketed the spare and floated back to the EVA pod. He got back in and floated back to the ship. This plan was so perfect, it couldn't possibly fail.

Meanwhile, Dave was having a discussion with HAL on a subject Dave really had no understanding on.

"Yes, _Godspell_ is a good musical, but Stephen Schwartz's abilities as a songwriter really shine more in _Pippin _and _Children of Eden_. My twin on earth, SAL, supposedly has insider info on a new musical he is working on... Maybe when we get back to Earth, she will take me to it's premier."

Dave cocked his head and smiled at HAL. In the back of his mind, he began to question (with shocking accuracy) the computer's sexuality before chiding himself mentally, reminding himself that the computer couldn't possibly have a sexuality. It was often like this, he had to remind himself that HAL was an inanimate object. It was very hard for him to believe it most of the time, for HAL always seemed to be the most human crew member.

"I have the unit," Frank announced.

Dave nodded and smiled back at HAL. HAL began to think this was on purpose. Dave was trying to make him malfunction... why, he didn't know. But that had to be the only explanation for why he always smiled at the computer. HAL sighed as he watched them walk into the workroom. He couldn't help but notice something suspicious about Frank. He turned on his camera in the workroom so he could help them analyze the unit.

Dave set down the unit and began to run checks on it, looking up at HAL at first with a smile and then with a look that troubled HAL. Those emotions of joy and pleasure quickly faded into hurt as Dave let HAL know that the unit was not going to malfunction.

"Well, HAL, I'll be damned if there's anything wrong with it."

HAL stopped for a moment. How could this be? He knew it was going to malfunction. He had never been wrong! He was incapable of error. Didn't Dave know that?

Frank smiled discreetly. His plan was working. He could see Dave get more annoyed with HAL. Soon, Dave would be his, he knew it... and HAL would be gone.

"Well, what do you propose we do, HAL?" Dave asked.

"Well... let's talk with Ground Control... maybe they have an answer to this problem..." HAL said. If anything had been tampered with, they would know about it... and they knew he was incapable of error as well.

Dave looked at HAL. He wanted to believe HAL wasn't wrong, but he wasn't sure now. This was not a good situation. If HAL was malfunctioning, this could mean the end of the mission, and their lives. Blue eyes met red and Frank realised his plan may not be so foolproof... but he still had one more card to play.


	4. Backfired

The Tales of a Misjudged Computer or Everyone Loves Dave

Disclaimer: Same as before. Sorry for another short chapter. Next one will be longer. Please review but no flames.

Chapter 4- Backfired

"Floyd... I need your help and if you can do this for me, I promise you that I will share Dave with you."

Frank was on a private channel with Heywood Floyd at Ground Control. He made sure HAL was distracted momentarily with Dave. He also knew of Floyd's wishes concerning Dave. Just before he had left, Frank had spoken with Floyd about this problem of jealousy towards HAL and Floyd had assured him he knew exactly how he felt. This instantly made them the best of friends and now, it seemed, Frank had created the perfect opportunity to get rid of the pesky computer.

"What is it I need to do, Frank?"

"Just say that the ground based HAL-9000 proved that the error was HAL's and not ours."

"But HAL checked out... he was right!"

"Dave doesn't have to know that... Just do this for me and I promise you that everything else will fall into place." Frank smiled.

HAL felt as if his heart had been ripped in two when he heard Floyd's announcement that HAL was wrong. He had never been wrong before. Maybe he really was malfunctioning. Dave would hate him now. HAL wished he could cry right then. instead, he looked at Frank and Dave as they switched off the monitor that Floyd was on.

"So what do you make of this, HAL?" Dave asked. He still wanted to give HAL the benefit of the doubt.

"Well... this has never happened before... it can only be attributable to human error..." HAL whispered, choking back electronic tears. He noticed something different about Frank. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was wrong.

"HAL, are you sure? I mean, we know about all of the great things the 9000 series has done... but can't it be possible that this is a computer error?" Frank said, trying to convince Dave.

HAL stammered. He knew it wasn't possible... but maybe Dave's smile really had knocked something loose. Dave looked at HAL as HAL tried, once again, to defend himself. He then smiled at HAL again.

"Alright, HAL... I believe you. Thank you HAL." Dave said. He then turned to Frank. Something about his voice wasn't right. HAL brushed it off. "Oh, Frank... I believe one of the pods is having a bit of trouble.. can you, um, check it out with me?"

Frank's heart raced. This was it! Everything had worked. He followed Dave to the Pod Bay. Dave instructed HAL to rotate the pod and open it so they could get in. HAL closed the door behind them and rotated it on command. He would do whatever Dave wanted him to. Dave then switched off all of the sound to the pod. HAL was confused. Why wouldn't he want HAL to hear? He zoomed in on their lips to try and decipher what was being said.

"Well, what do you make of it, Dave?"

"I... I don't know... What do you think, Frank?"

"I think we've got a big problem."

"I was afraid of that..." Dave sighed. "Well... we don't have many other options..."

"We don't have any option." Frank said. He couldn't believe it. Dave was still trying to defend HAL.

Meanwhile, HAL watched in horror as he read their lips. They were going to disconnect him! And Dave was finally agreeing to do it! HAL really wished he could cry now. He had let Dave down in the worst way.

Suddenly, HAL noticed something wrong with the AE-35 antennae. As Dave and Frank stepped out of the pod, HAL decided to address Dave.

"Erm... Dave... there's another problem with the AE-35 antennae..." HAL said.

"I find it hard to believe that it can happen twice in-"

Suddenly, alarms blared and all contact with earth was lost. Dave turned off the alarms and looked at Frank. Frank's heart sank. He should've brought two spare units... and just trashed the old one. He had forgotten about that.

"You were right, HAL!" Dave said.

HAL smiled inside. "I guess this restores your confidence in me then?"

"Yes HAL. Frank can go and replace the unit right now."

Ten minutes later, Frank was floating to the antennae. He had forgotten to distract HAL again and had forgotten to turn off his headset so HAL couldn't hear.

"Dammit.. Should've just trashed this one instead of leaving it in... Damn computer... always right. Dave won't disconnect it now. I don't have a Plan B either..."

HAL stared at Frank, shocked. This was all a plan to disconnect HAL! He had been right all along, but Dave wouldn't believe him. He probably still wanted to disconnect him. HAL rotated the pod in space and began to drive it forward. It would hit its intended target with perfect accuracy.


End file.
